Friday, September 6, 2013

How to Deal With an Overbearing Mother

Does your mother try to tell you how to live your life?
Or scrutinize every decision you make?


1. Realize there are reasons why your mother is overbearing and that you won't ever be able to change her. The operative word is "deal."

2. Work on establishing boundaries immediately. Decide which aspects of your life you won't share with your mother, then remind her when she invades them. If boundaries will not work; go No Contact with her and get far far away.

3. Learn this phrase and repeat it often: "I love you, but I don't want to discuss that with you." Then change the subject when your mother begins to meddle.

4. If possible, consider writing your mother a letter, detailing how you'd like your relationship to evolve (and which aspects can go extinct like the dinosaurs).

5. Thank your mother for her suggestions on how to live your life, then move on to more stimulating conversation.

6. Strive to seek approval from yourself instead of from your mother. When you're self-confident, your mother's controlling tendencies won't get under your skin.

7. Opt for caller ID so you can be prepared for potentially overbearing conversations - or screen the call to measure the importance of her message.

8. Try to call her back within a day; controlling mothers are fueled by neglect, and you can avoid possible nagging with a prompt call back.

9. Appreciate the fact that someone cares so much about you that they need to call you before, during and after every small event in your life.

10. Refrain from any guilt your overbearing mother may try to trip you up with. No one should feel guilty for living their own life.


Ignore the gnawing suspicion that your mother is trying to live her life through you. Even if she is, the urge to control is her baggage to carry, not yours.

If your mother persists in knocking down your boundaries, consider seeking therapy. You may need to go No Contact immediately if your mother is a narcissistic-type; because they can not change.



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